Last week, President Joe Biden went to the proctologist (that’s “butt doctor” for all of you public school graduates) to have his colon checked. What would have passed without incident for most was a more complicated matter for the president of the United States.
Over the week, Biden’s doctors revealed what they found during there, ahem, “exit polling” a benign polyp, just a slow-growing, harmless little lump (that quite possibly caused the president to void his bowels uncontrollably while meeting with foreign leaders and the Pope in Europe).
In a Halloween miracle for the ages, former Nevada Republican Party Chairwoman Amy Tarkanian had the poop scoop on Oct 30th:
“The word around Rome is that Biden’s meeting with the Pope was unusually long because Biden had a bit of a ‘bathroom accident’ at the Vatican & it had to be addressed before him leaving.”
That understandably set off a flurry of the hashtag “Poopy Pants Biden” memes. It isn’t the first time Joe Biden has had a colon lump removed. The Associated Press reports the president had the same operation performed in 2008.
Some good blogosphere investigators might be able to dig up evidence of a Biden bathroom emergency from 2008’s news stories mentioning him. That’s just doing your duty to volunteer for solid oppo research.
But the question is, why do we all have to know about Joe Biden’s colonoscopy? Vaccine mandate requirements notwithstanding, most people prefer to keep personal information about their health and doctor’s services private.
We all learned about the operation because the president elected to be under anesthesia for the chocolate factory tour, leaving him unable to render his duty to the U.S. as president until he recovered. So he had to inform Congress in a public memo that Kamala Harris would be the acting chief executive while Biden was re-litigating Lawrence v. Texas with the doc.
The quick transfer of power was considered noteworthy by the window-dressing, optics-loving culture war intelligentsia. For the first time in history, a woman was chief executive of the United States. But here’s what’s missing from all the commentary: Why did Biden have to go completely under for a colonoscopy? Here’s a man sitting on top of the world, at the absolute pinnacle of his power, and he is yet afraid to be conscious of a completely standard medical procedure (one that’s entirely necessary in his poopy-pants case).
Biden is more afraid to remember getting penetrated than he is of everyone in the world, knowing that he’s worried to remember getting penetrated. What is this? Some homophobic, patriarchal relic of a simpler time?
George W. Bush also got anesthesia and went under for his colonoscopy back in 2002. Not like a real man, a man who faces his problems and doesn’t willingly let go of any ground he’s gained for any reason, not like the president who made us all proud when he found the courage and refused anesthesia for his prairie dog party: Donald J. Trump.